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Last week I bought my first pair of spanks. Not the squeeziest ones, the second least squeeziest, if I’m talking about something you’re already into here. Last night - Friday night - was spent hanging out on my couch solo with a half bottle of wine and full container of papaya salad (plus noodles) from the Thai place down the street. Cos was eating cinnamon toast crunch for dinner when I got home and passed out as the sun was going down. I gave him a pass, though, for not entertaining me on a potential *date night* (what does that even mean?) since he had woken up at 3:30am yesterday morning to fly back from a conference out midwest.

I got the the spanks, as I was saying, to wear under a dress I recently purchased from a company that makes mostly long, fitted casual dresses and whose self-proclaimed target audience is chic city-living moms. It’s this long-sleeved, pink, Jackie-O camelot kind of number, but it’s made out of stretchy cotton for all day comfort. And heaven help me if I don’t already sound like a middle-aged working mom of 4 then let me tell you about how I’ve been trying to eat more protein these days. The goal is for protein to account for 30% of my daily intake.

This is one tall order, as it turns out, since there’s only so much tofu or chickpeas, or even bolognese or salmon a woman can eat. When your goal is for a third of what you eat to be protein, at some point you just have to break down and do what is truly expected of you. You have to eat a chicken breast. A boring ass boneless, skinless, thanks-but-no-thanks chicken breast. And it is for this reason (among so many others) that I am forever indebted the classic chicken cutlet. Thank you, fried chicken cutlet, for making the most boring cut of chicken worth eating.

There has never been a time in my life when I didn't have love for a thin-cut and pounded, egged, breaded, and shallow-fried chicken cutlet, though the time I spent working in Midtown Manhattan was when my feelings really went next level. The deli where I picked up my order - cutlet sandwich on a hoagie, hold the cheese, add lettuce, mayo, and mustard (or sometimes lettuce, buffalo, and ranch) - was juuust far enough away from my office that I had to attempt to run one of the ways, either to or from but usually on the way back, with a brown-bagged sammie flapping in my hand and a glass-bottled coke fizzing over in the other. It sounds ridiculous because it was ridiculous, but trust that if I was willing to go that far out of my way just to forgo my beloved Num Pang, all the fuss was worth it.

There is actually another anecdote about the unquestionable amazingness of fried chicken cutlets I had wanted to write about because it’s genuinely the best one I know of. The only problem is that it’s not exactly my story to tell. But what if I just tiptoe in and slide around it? I may have mentioned this before, but Cos was a vegetarian when we got together, and he stayed that way for the first couple years of our relationship. Then, over one Thanksgiving holiday we spent out in the Bay while we were living in New York, I made dinner for the friends who were hosting us. The menu was lemon pasta, roasted Brussels sprouts, and chicken milanese (Italian cutlets) for the three omnivores. The vegetarian would stick with pasta and Brussels. Except, when we sat down to eat, there were suddenly four meat-eaters at the table, and no vegetarians. And that’s how it remains to this day. When questioned about it, he says it was happenstance and that he had been contemplating the change for a while. But we all know the truth - chicken fried cutlets are food from the goddesses that will change your life.

An actual lunch of mine recently. Thirty freakin' percent, yo!

Chicken Milanese, adapted very slightly from Anne Burrell
Serves 4

1 cup all-purpose flour
2 eggs, beaten with 1 tablespoon of water
1 1/2 cups panko bread crumbs
1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
4 small boneless, skinless chicken breasts, butterflied and lightly pounded to 1/4-inch thick
Kosher salt
Extra-virgin olive oil, vegetable, or a combo of oils for frying (I use mainly veg with a bit of evoo to save $$)

Set up a standard breading procedure by lining up three wide deep plates or bowls in a row on your counter. Fill the first one with flour, the second with the eggs beaten with water, and the third with the panko mixed with grated Parmigiano.

Season the chicken breasts with salt on both sides. Using one hand for dry things and one hand for wet things, take each piece of chicken through the breading procedure: dredge lightly in the flour, then the egg wash, then through the bread crumbs. Lay the breaded chicken on a sheet tray and refrigerate for 30 minutes. [This is the perfect interval of time to prepare whatever side dish(es) you'll be having.]

Pour olive oil into a large saute pan until it reaches a thickness of about a half an inch (better a little more rather than a little less), and bring to a medium-high heat. Test the oil by flicking a couple of bread crumbs into the oil. If it doesn't sizzle-WAIT! When the oil is hot, test it again by dipping the edge of a piece of chicken into the oil; the oil should gently sizzle.

Fry the chicken in batches until it is crispy and golden brown, about 4 to 5 minutes on the first side and 3 to 4 minutes on the other side. Do not crowd the pan or the chicken will become very greasy and soggy. When the chicken is golden and cooked through, remove it to drain paper towels and sprinkle with salt. You can keep the chicken warm in a 200 degree oven while the rest of the chicken is cooking.

This sheet pan supper of chicken, roasted potatoes, and leeks is a total babe of a meal. And like a true babe, it's not all about looks. It's about personality too. Specifically, the low maintenance variety that just wants you to relax, baby girl - take it easy tonight, and let me take care of all the work. That is to say, pulling this dish together is a breeze, so you can focus on the more important task of keeping your wine glass full - a crisp white maybe? There is almost 0% fuss involved (I say almost because washing leeks twice isn’t nothing), and the finished product is so much greater than the sum of its parts that you may actually have to remind yourself how little work it actually entailed.

I had both heard and read about this recipe many times in passing before I finally discovered it myself while watching Melissa Clark’s videos on the NY Times cooking channel; something I’ve only recently caught onto because I am a broken record of unfashionable lateness. But as always, my lateness has no bearing whatsoever on the immense pleasure bestowed upon me once I have seen the light, nor the excitement with which I will extol the virtues of my newfound favorite thing to anyone who is foolish enough to strike up a conversation with me at a social gathering. The virtues abound with this one.

First things first, it requires minimal dirtying of dishes, which, in my universe where dishes and laundry are a love language, is downright sexy. The chicken and potatoes can be tossed with the marinade right on the sheet pan. Aside from that, all you’ll need is a bowl for the leeks and a small ramekin (or coffee cup) for mixing the yogurt sauce. [Note: I used an additional bowl in the photo above. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ The important thing is that I didn’t have to.]

The marinade is a dead simple mix of olive oil, cumin, and hot sauce, and while we liked the chili garlic sauce the best by far, any hot sauce will do in a pinch. The yogurt sauce, which I made with sour cream both times because it was what I had around, is equally adaptable. Stir in some lemon juice or zest (we did), toss in some chopped fresh herbs if you like (we didn’t), or even swirl in a little of the hot sauce you used for the marinade (we will next time). Whatever you do, just don’t skip the grated garlic (we would never). Roasting everything at a high heat ensures that there will be plenty of good looking crispy edges on the potatoes and leeks (mon couer!), even as they get soft and lush from soaking up the sauce of chicken juices mingled with marinade. The salad on top, sprinkled with lemon juice, adds a refreshing zing that cuts through the richness. Rich and luxurious, sharp-dressed and well-rounded equals total babe status.

Let’s talk quickly about serving size. The first time I made this recipe I used two chicken thighs and one large chicken breast, totaling 1.25 lbs (see photo above). That turned out to be five full servings of chicken for me and my main squeeze. However, those five portions might otherwise be considered small, because we both generally prefer less meat in proportion to the other things on our plate (potatoes, leeks, and salad in this case). The second time I made it I had intended to use four chicken thighs, but my butcher was out of thighs so I ended up using two large breasts, totaling almost 2 lbs (top and bottom photos). While this yielded a ton of leftover chicken (can you guess who had chicken salad for lunch this week?), it might have worked well for folks who prefer a larger serving of meat. All this to say, if you prefer your servings of meat to be on the smaller side, then I recommend using thighs here. Plus thighs have that nice layer of skin that roasts up so crispy, and you know how I feel about that. Happy cooking - I hope this meal treats you so right!

Sheet Pan Chicken with Leeks and Potatoes, adapted from Melissa Clark for the NY Times

Ingredients:
1 - 2 pounds chicken breast and/or thighs
1 ¼ pounds small round or fingerling potatoes
2 leeks, white and light green parts only
1/2 cup sour cream (original uses plain yogurt, but not greek)
1 small garlic clove
1 lemon, zest and juice
½ teaspoon ground cumin
2 tablespoons garlic chili sauce or sriracha (original uses harissa)
2 ½ teaspoons kosher salt, more as needed
½ teaspoon black pepper, more as needed
2 handfuls of salad greens*
fresh herbs for garnish if you have them
4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil + light drizzle

*The original calls for arugula, but my grocery store was out of arugula both times I shopped for these ingredients (hmm, I’m sensing a theme here, Duboce Triangle Whole Foods). I used mixed greens for the first preparation, and then mâche rosettes for the second, mainly because they’re so damn cute. The mixed greens tasted average as far as greens go, and the mâche rosettes were really nutty, which was cool, but I’m eager to try it with arugula, and will make a point to acquire some next time. I think the sharp peppery element they bring would be deliciously on point here.

Heat oven to 425 degrees.

Halve the leeks lengthwise, slice thinly, and place in a bowl filled with water. Dunk and swish the chopped leeks, then let them rest so that any dirt will sink to the bottom of the bowl.

Wash the potatoes, pat them dry with a clean towel, and chop them into halves or quarters so that they are each about a square inch, give or take. Put the chopped potatoes onto the sheet pan.

Return to the leeks, and rinse a second time. Remove the clean leeks to a clean towel spread out on the counter to dry for a minute. Quickly rinse the bowl to remove any grit that sank to the bottom, and place the leeks back in. Grate the zest of at least half the lemon (more if you like) over the top. Add 1 tablespoon of olive oil and a pinch of salt, toss to combine

Place the chicken on a sheet pan with the potatoes and season everything well with salt and pepper, toss and season again. Whisk chili sauce, cumin, and 3 tablespoons oil in a small bowl. Pour marinade over the chicken and potatoes and toss to coat evenly. Let the chicken and potatoes rest and marinate for at least 20 minutes at room temperature, or up to 8 hours in the refrigerator.

Put the sheet pan of chicken and potatoes in the oven to roast for 15 minutes. Remove from oven after 15 minutes and toss potatoes lightly. Scatter the leeks over the pan. Roast for 25 (or longer, checking in 5 minute increments) until the chicken and potatoes are cooked through and the leeks have crispy edges.

While the sheet pan continues to roast in the oven, place the sour cream or yogurt in a small bowl, grate garlic over the top and mix well. Season to taste with salt and pepper, and add the fresh herbs, lemon juice or zest if you’re using them.

Remove the sheet pan from the oven, scatter the salad greens over the potatoes and leeks, and dollop on the sour cream. Drizzle with more oil and lemon juice, if desired, and serve.